Random Inkings

January 31, 2008

Tips from the Crackerjack Box School of Driving

Filed under: Random — Little Miss @ 6:48 pm


  1. When pulling up behind a stopped car, make sure to pull so closely that the driver cannot see either your license plate or your headlights. In fact, there should be no more than the width of a Chihuahua’s whisker separating both bumpers.
  2. On a street that has a center turn lane, make sure to come to almost a complete stop before moving your car into the turn lane. Extra bonus points: Don’t use your turn signal.
  3. When entering the freeway, slow down to merge into moving traffic.
  4. In a 55 mile per hour zone, make sure to drive 40 mph. In fact, always drive 15 mph below the posted speed limit. This can be done easily by talking on your cell phone while driving.
  5. At a red light, do not pull all the way up to the white stop line. Make sure there is at least one and a half car lengths between you and the white line.
  6. When going through a turn on the freeway, brake and slow down. Bonus points: Use your turn signal.
  7. If there are two passengers in your car, always use the carpool lane, even when you aren’t in a hurry and are only going two exits down the freeway. Bonus points: See # 4.
  8. At a four-way stop, be polite and make sure every car, even the one still approaching the stop, has a turn first before proceeding through the intersection.
  9. When you are stopped at a red light, use this time to either a) discipline your kids in the back seat, b) clean out your back seat, or c) shave.
  10. When you hear an emergency vehicle siren, keep going and do not stop, do not pull over. Extra points: Stop in the middle of the intersection or block the emergency vehicle.


  1. LOL. Not really, though. This is so true. I think #10 is the most shocking, because it seems to have swept the nation. When did this become du rigeur? It seemed like — and felt like — somewhere around the mid-90s I looked around and realized people weren’t pulling over anymore for vehicles with a siren. It’s pretty scary.

    Comment by Wendy — January 31, 2008 @ 7:01 pm | Reply

  2. I know, Wendy. #1 was what instigated this tonight when, on my way home from Costco, some bozo was so close to my bumper I probably couldn’t have blown a hot breath between us. And if I rolled backward? Geez. The not pulling to the side for sirens drives me insane. I get so infuriated when I pull over and people just go breezing on past me. Wouldn’t they be horrified if they got home only to realize the fire truck was on its way to their house?

    Comment by Little Miss — January 31, 2008 @ 7:40 pm | Reply

  3. Some people are just bonkers when they get behind the wheel of a car. I’m awful– if someone’s on my bumper, I flip my rearview mirror up so I can’t see them. That way, they can’t intimidate me into changing my speed. If they’re really being dangerous, I’ll tap my brakes. Let one of those idiots hit me– I could use the money. By the way, I’m not a slow driver, and usually the people who do this are ones who could easily go around me. They’re just hostile!

    I haven’t noticed many people not stopping for sirens though, thank goodness.

    Comment by moonbeammcqueen — February 1, 2008 @ 7:09 pm | Reply

  4. I’m not slow either, I just drive the speed limit. Apparently around my neck of the woods, that’s too slow.

    Comment by Little Miss — February 1, 2008 @ 10:48 pm | Reply

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